i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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