hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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