I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Randomize
