weddingsv make me drug and hornr
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
being pregnant is like rehab
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
