I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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