I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
