hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
