I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize