hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
