Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize