Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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