I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
