I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
