please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
