oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
