The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Randomize
