Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
