i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
