and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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