All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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