You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
