Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I think we might need a safe word for this...
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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