On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
