That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
