So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
