My girlfriend figured out who you are.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
