No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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