What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
