Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
