Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Please don't give away my fajitas
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
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