I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
