The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
