one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
