one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
