I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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