after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
