Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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