If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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