im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
