I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
last night I used snow as a chaser
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