Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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