Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
