this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize