That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Just high enough for therapy.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
