Jerry, you need to find god
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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