new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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