i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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