me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
