Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
