My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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