There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Randomize
