We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
