I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
