Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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