If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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