he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
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