he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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