I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
