The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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