I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
