there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
