No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
