the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
