Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
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