He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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