There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
