very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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