Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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