Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
