Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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