I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
