I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
