What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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