I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
