sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Can Purell be used as lube?
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
