This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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