super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
